13 November 2011

Creativity and Hyper-Focus

I've experienced a return to creativity lately. It began at the end of the summer when I threw myself into the preparations for my daughter's Harry Potter-themed birthday party. I busied myself making paper bag owls, milk bottle owls, flying keys and banners. My neighbor and I spent many happy hours painting and brainstorming and I was overwhelmed at how much I enjoyed myself. I have also been sewing more, I volunteered to make signs for a recent renaissance carnival at my daughter's school, I've been knitting and finally I am writing again.

One of many things I have learnt about  myself this summer is that I tend to hyper focus on things. On mentioning this to my other half, he rolled his eyes, to him it's a complete no brainer, "of course you do". Let me explain...

When I first started writing my blog, it became a complete obsession. Every second of the day I would be thinking about things to write, new design ideas, taking photos, looking for inspiration. I learned how to monetize it in different ways, how to increase readership, I shared ideas and feedback with other writers. I spent hours changing the layout of the blog, i taught myself basic html, learnt how to design functional buttons and banners, all sorts of things. Then all of a sudden, I didn't know what to write, and I just stopped. For about 5 months I have barely written a word or even checked in on my beloved blog, though it is still very precious to me.

Again when I started sewing, i got into making bunting and just churned them out. I would study different fabric patterns online constantly looking for the best designs. I even got 80% through setting up an Etsy store and decided what I would sell things for. Suddenly my sewing machine wouldn't work properly so instead of doing anything about it, I stopped dead and didn't sew for about 3 months.

Recently my husband gave me a kindle and I began reading a lot more. At first I read books that had been recommended to me by my now beloved therapist.  Soon after, I began to read for leisure, but then before I knew it, hyper focus kicked in again, BOOM, in the past ten days, amongst my usual activities of running a busy home, volunteering at my daughter's school and looking after two young children I have read all 4 of the Twilight saga books, Wuthering Heights and have started Frankenstein and Madame Bovary. I am fully aware of how ridiculous this is and unfortunately it leads to self-loathing as I can't feel like I have accomplished anything when I know other areas of my life aren't getting the attention they need.

As a natural reaction to rediscovering my creativity I have begun to miss dance intensely again. This time, now that my tummy has had a whole year to recover from being repaired, I am finally in a place where I can actually pursue it again. I have found a class locally that sounds great but have not taken the extra step to actually attend, and I have also made a date this week to meet with the student's from my neighbor's class so that I can start planning a dance workshop with them in the near future. This is huge for me. If I can pull this off it will be a major step forward as far as self-confidence and escaping inhibition goes. I've even found a circus class that I am very excited about, I just don't know if our budget can stretch to all this.

So that's where I am. I hope I can manage to balance my loves a little better and to enjoy them without the resulting feelings of self-loathing and selfishness. For now I am  happy to get back into so many things I enjoy so much.


  1. Can I come to the circus class!
    Have always wanted to join one.

  2. Finding balance is my number one challenge to Clo. I think you are definitely trying to be the best you can be. you are just filled with too many talents to handle... All is good. Can you imagine if that noggin of yours was empty without any ideas? How miserable life would be? Thank God is the other way around... you will get there....

  3. Thank you Iliana, very wise words! xxxx Sophia, I wish we could go together :) xx